According to Wikipedia, “Chinglish refers to spoken or written English language that is influenced by the Chinese language.”  This article is about a Feng Shui master in People’s Republic of China who tries to show off his English or Chinglish.

I have stumbled onto a Chinese website advertisement for Feng Shui service in both Chinese and English from China.  It is very rare to see bilingual Feng Shui advertisement from China.  Below is his English sales pitch verbatim.

Amityville“Personal fortune predictions consultation (geomancy) feng shui, new rural construction, urban renewal, garden construction, health base, nursing homes, feng shui gas field, set the mansion, the mansion restoration, selected Amityville Horror, Amityville Horror repair, rehabilitation including detailed grant horoscopes, fortune, the cause of transportation, wedding transportation, school transportation, named renamed, check boy life, and chose, Health Wang position, defends the net house, open the treasury, treasury up further past debt, but also debt overcast, kind of raw base, dark drive problems and misfortunes, infant spirit no longer deal with his mother and other ceremonies tired brain, as well as other aspects of feng shui, the main edge if necessary, please make an appointment in advance with the assistant, the assistant will arrange a time the main edge, Wan Ling Road long, paid service, understand . (No chat)”

It is pretty obvious the writer uses a “Chinese to English” dictionary to translate the Chinese word for word.  Below are some major Chinglish translations:

  • feng shui gas field = Feng Shui qi (energy) field
  • Amityville Horror = yin residence (tomb)
  • transportation =  luck trend
  • tired brain = bothering
  • main edge = client
  • Wang Ling Road Long = Daoist Master Wang Ling

Well, as a native Chinese reader myself, I still have problem reading his Chinese version because some contents were garbled up due to translation from different file formats.  The text in green is my “reconstruction” based on his Chinglish version.

個人諮詢,(堪輿)風水、新農村建設、城市改建、園林建設、養生基地、養老院、風水氣場、定陽宅、陽宅修復、選定陰宅、陰宅修復、包括詳批八字、、學業、  宅、開財庫、補財庫、還前世債、還陰債、種生基、驅晦消災、處理嬰靈不再煩腦母親等法事,以及風水有關等方面的問題,緣主若需要請提前與助理預約,助理會給緣主安排時間, 萬靈道長,有償服務,請予理解。(不聊天)

Below is my translation based on the Chinese version:

“Personal consultation on Feng Shui (geomancy), new rural construction, urban remodeling, garden/yard construction, convalescent home, senior home, Feng Shui qi-field, yang residence selection, yang residence remodeling, yin residence (tomb) selection;  service also includes detailed Bazi reading, luck period reading, marital luck, academic luck, naming/ renaming, wealth luck, naming babies, choosing vital and prosperous positions, securing/ defending residence (from negative energies), opening “wealth storage”, replenishing “wealth storage”, repaying debt from previous lifetimes, repaying yin debt, cultivating”sheng-ji” (stimulated tomb to collect auspicious energy for the living), expelling bad vibes and neutralizing disasters, rituals to stop aborted baby-spirits from bothering their mother; all Feng Shui related problems.  Prospective clients should make appointment with my assistant.  Please be advised that these are paid service (no leisure chat). Daoist Master Wan Ling.”

Master Wan Ling seems to be able to do everything– Feng Shui, Bazi, naming, paying karma debts, refilling wealth storage, neutralizing disasters to getting rid of annoying baby souls….. and also writing Chinglish.

Ken Lai

“Advanced Visual Form Feng Shui” w/23 hr. HD video
“Visual Form Feng Shui” w/13 hr. HD video
“Destiny/Luck Mgmt. 1: Forecasting and Decision Support” w/32 hr. HD video
“Destiny/Luck Mgmt. 2: Basic Bazi Therapy w/18 hr. HD video
“Destiny/Luck Mgmt. 3 w/ Advanced Bazi Therapy w/18 hr. HD video
“Feng Shui Toolbox: Sha-qi, Health/Wealth and Career” w/ 7 hr. HD video
“Period 7/8 FS Toolkit w/ Advanced Flying Star techniques” w/ 6 hr. HD video
“Practical Date-Selection Methods (incl. XKDG) w/ 12 hr. video
“Practical / Advanced Imperial Qi-Men-Dun-Jia 4G” w/ 12 or 16 hr. video
“Professional Imperial QMDJ 4G” w/ 21 hr. video
“EZ QMDJ series: Astrology, Date/Task Selection, Annual Luck/FS”w/ 3 hr. HD
“EZ QMDJ Advanced Feng Shui” with 4 hr. HD video
“Daoist Talismans for Feng Shui/Blessing” w/ 24 hr video
“Practical Door Feng Shui for Wealth” w/ 3 hr. video
“4-Pillars Forecasting Bootcamp” with 12 hr. video